One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

"Simply provide the computer with a sample of your urine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you hot to fix it, and to top it off it only costs $10."   Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a his urine and went to the drug store.  Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noises, lights were flashing and the printer started to print.  The print out reported:

Problem: You have tennis elbow.
Resolve: Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy lifting and it should be better in two weeks.

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it could change medical science forever, he began to wonder if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Problem: Your tap water is too hard.
Resolve: Get a water softener.

Problem: Your dog has worms.
Resolve: Get him vitamins.

Problem: Your daughter is using cocaine.
Resolve: Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Problem: Your wife is pregnant with twin girls and they aren't yours.
Resolve: Get a lawyer.

Note: If you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.